Another day in paradise

Neil Adams, a friend of mine for over 30 years died of a heart attack today at the age of 47.

He left behind a beautiful family, Ali, Libby and Jack.

He was one of my guardians throughout my life who saw me through the challenges of adolescence, adulthood and came in and out of my life when we both had kids.

A talented musician and part-time member of the Gods of Glam, he had a colourful and exotic life.

He was travelling the world as I was struggling to get the bus into town from Musselburgh, he came back and bought a flat in the city as I was struggling to buy a pint, he had women swooning for his David Essex looks, and I got to chat to the ugly mate.

He came to Sydney last year on business where we met up for a beer and a laugh and strangely enough the topic was around our health, blood pressure, cholestorol and growing old.

Given our youth I think we were both surprised to have got this far.

Even up until a couple of months ago when we were emailing each other our favourite funeral songs.

In the manner of black humour, mine was to have them play “Burn for you” by John Farnham, another discussed was at the moment of the coffin going behind the curtain, them to burst back open and for the music to strike up-open playing “There’s no showbusiness like show business”. And finally just as the coffin was going down we were to ring eithers mobile which was in the coffin.

All in good humour, but the last track he sent me was his favourite by Warren Zevon - “Keep me in your heart for a while.”

Warren wrote it for his wife when he discovered he was dying.

How appropriate that he chose this.

I’ll miss you Spade.

My life has just been a whirl of spreadsheets for the last month culminating in our annual board presentation on Monday.

Sitting in front of a computer all day every day estimating rates and volumes, predicting outcomes and calculating risk wasn’t really why I got into advertising but unfortunately a necessary part of my life now.

I’ve been working late and at weekends all in preparation for the big day last Monday.

And thankfully now it’s all over.

For someone who’s more passionate about creativity and ideas and needed a tutor to pass basic arithmetic, I have to admit to struggle with the process of the last few months.

Needless to say, I’d be quite happy never to see an excel spreadsheet again.

Hopefully now I can get back to the fun bit.

And see the family too.

Looking through Google for some insight into medical conditions can be scary.

I kept finding diseases that I have the symptoms for!

For instance, It would appear I am pregnant.

I have a swelling belly, eat a lot and have mood swings.

Not to mention the Ebola virus…

I have this overwhelming desire to take the family camping into the outback.

Hotels are pretty thin on the ground outside the cities so if we’re going to see a bit more of the country I felt we should really get the kit.

So, I dragged the family off to the local camping and caravanning show to have a look, full of enthusiasm and persuasive skills.

Needless to say it was full of characters from “Deliverence” the movie which was slightly off putting.

However, I persevered until this part…..

Then we went home.

Tee and I surfed the net over the weekend looking for some insight into what could be Mollies cause for her general mood and behaviours.

We can’t get to see the counsellors for a couple of weeks so we thought we’d try a homemade version of counselling until then.

Typing in her symptoms threw this up -

Dysthymia

Dysthymia is a milder type of depression that can last for over a year in young people.

A person with Dysthymia may:

• gradually lose interest in things they have enjoyed doing and appear to be more ‘down’ most of the time
• have less energy and find it difficult to concentrate
• have trouble with eating and sleeping patterns
• the most common factor is feeling bad about themselves and having less confidence and enjoyment in their lives.

Dysthymia is more serious than just a depressed mood alone and may need professional assessment and help if you are concerned.

That really sums Mollie up at the moment however the real light at the end of the tunnel for us was this: 

“The treatment for this treatable affliction is mainly “talk therapy”.

Well we’ll be all right there then.

We’re good at that!

It just is.

Looking back over the last year as you have read this blog - I would imagine our life just looks fantastic to an outsider.

But sometimes there can be a cost to this life down-under.

My eldest daughter has really struggled with moving to Brisbane, moving to Sydney, moving schools, leaving friends and family and last week it all came crashing down.

Mollie has always been great fun and really funny - the last few months we’ve seen a change in her general personality.

No energy, not sleeping, argumentative, sullen…the normal teenager stuff.

Apart from the fact that it appears it isn’t.

The school have been in touch to tell us that she is now so disruptive at school that she’s close to be being kicked out.

Thankfully a professional counsellor was offered and it would appear that our wee girl is just melting down from enormous insecurity, poor self image, lack of confidence and is now demonstrating depressive tendancies.

And we just don’t what to do.

And it scares us.

We keep thinking, what if we had just done this, what if we just hadn’t done that?

We can’t wrap her in cotton wool, we can’t tell her to pull herself together, we blame ourselves, she blames us, none of us are sleeping, we’re all tired, the other kids are impacted by it  and so it spirals down affecting all the family.

So here we are, in gods own playground and my daughter feels like it’s a punishment, some form of purgatory where she feels she’s  in permanent flux.

My company has offered to give the family counselling, support and advice professionally to help us through this and hopefully we can get her to see that at 14,  life should be all about haa haa hee hee.

But at least she’s talking to us, she trusts us and she understands why she’s feeling the way she is, so hopefully this will just be another part of life’s rich tapestry and is part of us all growing as a family.

Anyone with teenagers will immediately relate to this.

To those without teenagers - welcome to my private hell.

However apparently it only lasts until they’re 24.

Our twins turned 8 years yesterday.

So needless to say we were up with the sparrows unwrapping weapons of mass destruction.

Skateboards, painting sets, felt pens and a big trampoline.

You just know where this is all going to end up. 

Oh joy.

But they loved it and you know what? “We’re going to be 9 next year!’

Isn’t funny how kids are always 8 3/4 or 7 and 2 months

I’m trying to count backwards and they’re adding years by the hour!

While Tee and Josh climbed bridges, Molls, the twins and I skated around Centennial Park - (A bit like The Meadows in Edinburgh)

Everyone stopped and stared at my prowess.

Actually everyone was staring at why a 45 year old man was on a skateboard to be honest.

But I had a blast!

And so did the rest of my posse.