Another day in paradise

 Except in front of your teenage daughter with a camera.

Winter has arrived in Wahroonga, with the temperatures plummeting to 16 degrees.

So yesterday we sent the twins out to collect some kindling to light the fire.

That evening after our dinner we all sat down in front of a roaring fire to watch “Jimmys Farm” in our jammies with a glass of red and enjoy the heat.

It was then we discovered we had a visitor who had travelled in with the wood which was now lying in a pile on the hearth.

Well actually, Haggis, the labrador spotted the visitor first and had to be dragged off a scorpion while everyone made for the door!

Tee saved the day by using a plastic pot dropped over the top of it and throwing it out the door.

I was busy. Somewhere else.

To think the kids had been happily collecting wood in their arms cuddling a scorpion!

Jimmy thought he had problems with animals - not a patch on our wild life

I’ve spent the last few days in a fog.

My days seem to be spent in a haze that are full of utter, utter sadness.

This feeling of grief is not just for my sense of loss of a dear friend, but for the rest of my friends and Spades family and the pain they are going through.

It’s made worse because I’m not there to help them as well as actually grieve with them. 

But today I came across a saying on the web today that gave me some comfort.

“This too, shall pass”

The origin of this saying appears to date back to a story told about King Solomon.

“It was said, that when the king was feeling sad, he asked his advisors to find him a ring he had seen in a dream.

“When I feel satisfied, I’m afraid it won’t last. And when I am sad I’m afaid my sorrow will go on for ever. Find me a ring that will ease my suffering”

Eventually an advisor met an old jeweller who carved into a simple gold band the Hebrew inscription “gam zeh ya’avor” - “This too, shall pass”

When the king recieved his ring and read the inscription his sorrows turned to joy and his joy to sorrows, and finally both gave way to equanimity.”

I wish I could give my friends and Spades family such a ring.

Neil Adams, a friend of mine for over 30 years died of a heart attack today at the age of 47.

He left behind a beautiful family, Ali, Libby and Jack.

He was one of my guardians throughout my life who saw me through the challenges of adolescence, adulthood and came in and out of my life when we both had kids.

A talented musician and part-time member of the Gods of Glam, he had a colourful and exotic life.

He was travelling the world as I was struggling to get the bus into town from Musselburgh, he came back and bought a flat in the city as I was struggling to buy a pint, he had women swooning for his David Essex looks, and I got to chat to the ugly mate.

He came to Sydney last year on business where we met up for a beer and a laugh and strangely enough the topic was around our health, blood pressure, cholestorol and growing old.

Given our youth I think we were both surprised to have got this far.

Even up until a couple of months ago when we were emailing each other our favourite funeral songs.

In the manner of black humour, mine was to have them play “Burn for you” by John Farnham, another discussed was at the moment of the coffin going behind the curtain, them to burst back open and for the music to strike up-open playing “There’s no showbusiness like show business”. And finally just as the coffin was going down we were to ring eithers mobile which was in the coffin.

All in good humour, but the last track he sent me was his favourite by Warren Zevon - “Keep me in your heart for a while.”

Warren wrote it for his wife when he discovered he was dying.

How appropriate that he chose this.

I’ll miss you Spade.

My life has just been a whirl of spreadsheets for the last month culminating in our annual board presentation on Monday.

Sitting in front of a computer all day every day estimating rates and volumes, predicting outcomes and calculating risk wasn’t really why I got into advertising but unfortunately a necessary part of my life now.

I’ve been working late and at weekends all in preparation for the big day last Monday.

And thankfully now it’s all over.

For someone who’s more passionate about creativity and ideas and needed a tutor to pass basic arithmetic, I have to admit to struggle with the process of the last few months.

Needless to say, I’d be quite happy never to see an excel spreadsheet again.

Hopefully now I can get back to the fun bit.

And see the family too.

Looking through Google for some insight into medical conditions can be scary.

I kept finding diseases that I have the symptoms for!

For instance, It would appear I am pregnant.

I have a swelling belly, eat a lot and have mood swings.

Not to mention the Ebola virus…

I have this overwhelming desire to take the family camping into the outback.

Hotels are pretty thin on the ground outside the cities so if we’re going to see a bit more of the country I felt we should really get the kit.

So, I dragged the family off to the local camping and caravanning show to have a look, full of enthusiasm and persuasive skills.

Needless to say it was full of characters from “Deliverence” the movie which was slightly off putting.

However, I persevered until this part…..

Then we went home.

Tee and I surfed the net over the weekend looking for some insight into what could be Mollies cause for her general mood and behaviours.

We can’t get to see the counsellors for a couple of weeks so we thought we’d try a homemade version of counselling until then.

Typing in her symptoms threw this up -

Dysthymia

Dysthymia is a milder type of depression that can last for over a year in young people.

A person with Dysthymia may:

• gradually lose interest in things they have enjoyed doing and appear to be more ‘down’ most of the time
• have less energy and find it difficult to concentrate
• have trouble with eating and sleeping patterns
• the most common factor is feeling bad about themselves and having less confidence and enjoyment in their lives.

Dysthymia is more serious than just a depressed mood alone and may need professional assessment and help if you are concerned.

That really sums Mollie up at the moment however the real light at the end of the tunnel for us was this: 

“The treatment for this treatable affliction is mainly “talk therapy”.

Well we’ll be all right there then.

We’re good at that!

It just is.

Looking back over the last year as you have read this blog - I would imagine our life just looks fantastic to an outsider.

But sometimes there can be a cost to this life down-under.

My eldest daughter has really struggled with moving to Brisbane, moving to Sydney, moving schools, leaving friends and family and last week it all came crashing down.

Mollie has always been great fun and really funny - the last few months we’ve seen a change in her general personality.

No energy, not sleeping, argumentative, sullen…the normal teenager stuff.

Apart from the fact that it appears it isn’t.

The school have been in touch to tell us that she is now so disruptive at school that she’s close to be being kicked out.

Thankfully a professional counsellor was offered and it would appear that our wee girl is just melting down from enormous insecurity, poor self image, lack of confidence and is now demonstrating depressive tendancies.

And we just don’t what to do.

And it scares us.

We keep thinking, what if we had just done this, what if we just hadn’t done that?

We can’t wrap her in cotton wool, we can’t tell her to pull herself together, we blame ourselves, she blames us, none of us are sleeping, we’re all tired, the other kids are impacted by it  and so it spirals down affecting all the family.

So here we are, in gods own playground and my daughter feels like it’s a punishment, some form of purgatory where she feels she’s  in permanent flux.

My company has offered to give the family counselling, support and advice professionally to help us through this and hopefully we can get her to see that at 14,  life should be all about haa haa hee hee.

But at least she’s talking to us, she trusts us and she understands why she’s feeling the way she is, so hopefully this will just be another part of life’s rich tapestry and is part of us all growing as a family.