Another day in paradise

 I took Tee to Byron for the weekend. I attended a conference - she sat at the pool and ate grapes.

Fantastic resort, fabulous food and eclectic company.

The Caxton Awards are an industry forum for Agency Creative types and Newspapers to celebrate and discuss creativity in print.

I managed to keep business and pleasure separate until Saturday evening when I thought it would be a good idea for Tee to come along at the end of the gala dinner to watch the “Annual Talent Show”

The prerequisite is that you must be completely deviod of talent. Anyone risking getting up on stage and singing like Frank or playing guitar like Jimmy is instantly booed off!

Tee came in and sat at our table to watch the “entertainment” unfolding on stage.

Needless to say there had been a constant parade to the toilets all evening by members of the audience who obviously were suffering from bad stomach cramps as they all spent enormous amount of time in the cubicles….

So to the first act..

Pissed creative announces that having lost a bet earlier the evening his forfeit was to have his bollocks shaved. Now. On stage.

And then his copywriter partner joined him on stage and subsequently applied hot wax to his balls. 

Following a dramatic and theatrical removal of the wax strip, a bloodcurdling scream and a creative hitting the floor clutching his gonads, the place erupted!

Thankfully the rest of the acts weren’t quite as graphic but were all as equally profane in every respect.

Needless to say the waiting staff in this 5 star resort were somewhat taken aback.

We then all retreated to the bar until they shut the bar at 1.00am. But no problem there - they all started rolling and smoking joints. 

Needless to say the waiting staff in this 5 star resort were somewhat taken aback.

But nowhere near as much as my missus! 

I can’t recall it ever happening at The Albion….

 For some reason, my son decided it would be cool to shave his eyebrow.  Just the one mind you. (See the photo album for a close up!)

In terms of rebellious behaviour it’s up there along with swallowing chewing gum.

In the last couple of months he’s been in gymnastics, rowing, pipeband and playing touch rugby with his mates - so he obviously he hasn’t had time for the drugs, women and rock’n'roll.

We’re bloody lucky - fingers crossed it stays that way.

Just like his old man….. 

There I was just having lunch with a colleague in Sydney and he truned up again…bloody stalker.

I had 52 unique visitors to my website today - A record!

Unfortunately not one left a comment! So I’ve no idea who they were or what they thought!

Bugger.

Now I know what Talk107 feels like.

Had the opportunity to have lunch with Mr Gore the other day in Melbourne.

Along with about 300 other folk.

I obviously look a lot more pleased about it than he did.

We splashed out on a pool for Haggis.

As you can see it was a lot less expensive than most pools but seems to do the job.

The heat in Sydney is starting to climb and he desperately needs to keep cool - unfortunately you’re not allowed to take your dog to most beaches over here so he’s just going to have to learn to swim in this.

What he doesn’t know, he’ll not miss.

Like most things I suppose. (The kids haven’t asked once about black pudding. I on the other hand am being driven mad for it! And Minstrels - the chocolate not the singers!)

Sure beats standing around the rugby pitch at Watsons in the pouring rain…

Today oor twins joined Nippers. Training for saving me when I get caught in the waves.

Even though the water isn’t as warm as Queensland the sun came up, I stood up to my waist in the water holding a rope and watched my kids have an absolute ball.

Fair brought a tear to my eye that the kids can have this life.

As you can hear, my accent has faded to a subtle Aussie twang.

Got up to early to watch Scotland attempt to beat Argentina in the World Cup and recieve the morning flow of texts from my English friends still gloating from the weekend win over Australia.

Why is it Scotland makes a reputation of being glorious in defeat?

Why do we wait 60 minutes to start playing out of our skins? Why do we need to suffer the stress of watching our team look like they’re about to pull something out of the hat, even when we know its just that step too far?

And why oh why did Parks decide to kick a pass 5 metres from the line with absolutely no chance of Lamont ever getting to it with 2 minutes to go?

I think its because they know that the next day the press will regale our passion, bravery and drive against insurmountable odds. And how we tried unsuccessfully to turn the tables but the clock was against us.

Bollocks. 

This happens every time. Every year. Every competition.

Why can’t they just play out of their skins for 80 minutes and be glorious in success.

It’s not a big ask - Its not a big surprise - the game lasts 80 minutes - you practice all year and then for some reason we don’t turn it on until near the end.

Maybe they’re all frightened about what the press will write about them the next day if they don’t pull their fingers out.

Not that we would….

Settled down to watch the Rugby World Cup, Australia vs England at 11.00pm last night.

Needless to say, I was supporting my adopted homeland. Although quite frankly I would have supported anyone apart from England.

We played absolutely shite - and England played out of their skins to gain a place in the Semi Final.

Just as the game finished, I thought of all the English supporters celebrating their god given right of supremacy and as is their style - already dreaming of winning the world cup.

Here we go again, I thought another 4 years of gloating - the thought is unbearable.

But perhaps I was being unfair, perhaps I was pre-judging a race for their stereotypical behaviours. Then I thought about my good mate Giles who would obviously be watching the game and would send me a text of condolence and all pre-conceived ideas would be dispelled.

That was until 10 secs later when I received a text from Mr Brooksbank with the simple message. “Ha.ha.ha”

How predictable….all I can say - Roll on the Boks!

I love YouTube.

Mark Seymour from Hunter and Collectors sings the most haunting ballad which means a lot to me especially now that I live so far away.

Listen and enjoy!